Cara Colleen

Random Laugh

At work, we are in the middle of the fiscal year-end close which means everyone is working extra hours to make sure all the company’s books balance. Barbara Adams was talking to Debora  and I about a vendor who emailed two directors with a complaint. The vendor complained that she was “lost in the world of no response from Mrs. Adams” … claiming she left two voice mails for Babs on Friday (she did not) and darn, if it hadn’t been a WHOLE business day (and a little more) without hearing back. Barbara stood there shifting her eyes back and forth and repeated the phrase a couple of times. Then she perked up and exclaimed, “I like that! I want to print that up and put it in my office. I know exactly how she feels! I haven’t been able to get in touch with Mrs. Adams in weeks!!”

The Message

I have posted a new article under my Prose writings titled The Message. It’s listed over in the left hand menu of pages. Please check it out!

Whose I Am

I have a lot of anger inside me—
Anger that my bible-quoting father could parade his religion to the world,
Then abuse his family behind closed doors,
Anger that an idyllic life could be shattered by a man
Who didn’t believe in committed, unconditional love or faithfulness,
Anger that my children have been torn from me
…Not once, but three times,
Anger that my character and motherhood have been libeled and
Battered continuously for more than twelve years.

The judgement is a heavy load, whether judging or being judged.
It is an unjust world that labels the victim as the perpetrator.
We all stand guilty.
It is only mercy—God’s mercy—that sustains.
So much anger remains.
The grief of life lost (my life!)
Enrages me by the injustice of it all.

…Yet I am but clay.
The broken shards, the crushing into dust,
The mud on the spinning wheel, the darkness of the hot kiln—
All wring the sorrows of brokenness, confusion, blind unknowing.
The tears flow like many-colored glazes.
I cannot see their effect, but the Potter knows.
He knew me while I was yet unformed in my mother’s womb.
Before a word is on my tongue… He knows.

Only He can take the burden of my anger,
The rage at the injustice of my life,
The grief that twists my soul in knots…
I do not even know how to give,
To let go of this lifetime long emotion.
Anger has been my companion in many forms
From stubborn stillness to screaming rage,
But I am tired.

When I am assassinated again by another criticism, another assumption,
When someone presumes my motives without knowing my heart,
My companion shakes me from weary slumber,
Tries to stir up the embers of fires long quenched and scattered,
And I AM angry for a while…

Till I remember mercy poured out,
Grace bestowed, forgiveness undeserved…
I am the bondslave of One who bought me with Eternal Love.
My right to hold onto anger is gone now;
My right to vindication is forsworn;
Because the Potter can do as He pleases
To form the image of Himself in His vessels.

To My Children

I think of you…
All day… every day…
You are such an integral part of my life.
I can’t not think about you.
I am always telling someone
How cool you are,
How beautiful you are,
How imaginative and unique you are.
I tell them stories about our time together—
Conversations we’ve had,
Things we’ve laughed about,
Frustrations we’ve dealt with,
The normal interactions of family life,
The growing pains,
The aches and sorrows of moments lost.
All of those things wear on me
And at the same time
Buoy me up through difficult days.
I know I will see you again.
I count the days, the hours, the minutes
Till you run to me and wrap your arms around me,
Telling me how much you missed me,
How much you love me,
How glad you are that we are together again.
There is nothing quite like being with you!
And I can never tell you
Often enough, loud enough, long enough that
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Journey Dance

I saw the path ahead converge with others that I know.
Each traveled from a separate way into a broader flow.
For just a while we interwove our steps into a dance,
The time well-spent as everyone enjoyed the happy chance.
Some jogged, some ran, some stopped to rest, or linked their arms to talk;
And though the roads diverged as each continued on the walk,
I felt refreshed by journey’s dance in Holy Spirit might,
Rememb’ring He directs me and guides others in His light.
8/12/07